Words and Thoughts — June 20, 2024
Hello again, alleged readers! It is my absolute honor to share with you that I, Stav Knudsenen, have found another integer that is not my favorite, and therefore we are one integer closer to determining which of them is favorite. There can’t be that many more left I’d have to imagine. 922. Not a huge fan.
Speaking of numbers, as you may know, one of my top two favorite billboards is the one that displays what the Mega Millions lottery jackpot is currently at. My favorite billboard is the Chic-fil-a campaign where the cows encourage everyone to eat more chicken. There’s a beautiful and tragic drama that unfolds as the cows encourage their human overlords to spare their bovine kind at the expense of their barnyard brethren of the poultry persuasion. Blind, perhaps, are the cows, to the common enemy that is humanity that they, the chickens, and everyone else on the farm shares. This Orwellian allegory is laid bare before us under the façade of comedy, masquerading as a marketing initiative. It’s tragic, it’s beautiful, it’s visceral. Additionally, the waffle fries are great.
Anyway, the lottery billboard has digital numbers that change every day as the jackpot goes up or down, and below that will normally light up to display either “MILLION” or “BILLION”. Driving home yesterday, the jackpot was at “80 MILLION”. But today… it changed. But not the numbers! Today, it read: “80 LION”. Y’all! The jackpot is now 80 lions! I have never before purchased so many Mega Millions tickets as I have this morning.
Think of everything that we could do with 80 lions, rather probably 65 lions after tax. Still, 65 lions! We could start one very lion-heavy zoo, or 65 one-lion zoos. Hell, we could start 30 two-lion zoos, and still have five lions left over to give to charities!
Some of you might say, “Stav, that’s a lot of lions. Stav, that might be too many lions.” And to that I say, “There is no such thing as too many lions”. Ever since that one tiger tried to eat Sigmund and Freud out there at The Mirage, people have this misconception that big cats are dangerous. Thousands of people have already proven that we can live in harmony, nay, in symbiosis with big cats. Joe Exotic was doing fine until people started saying, “Joe, you can’t have all them cats”. Jane Goodall, while not in Joe Exotic’s rarefied air, still a debatably respectable nature person has been doing well with that monkey she has, and that’s kinda like a cat. Also, Tony the Tiger seems like a good guy. Other than a couple times when I made a wrong turn on the internet, I have not seen Tony eating children, despite the myriad of chances he’s had to do so. Just Frosted Flakes.
I do worry though about the financial burden of supplying 65 lions with an adequate quantity Frosted Flakes. They’d probably eat close to a whole box per day, if I had to guess.