Words and Thoughts: Justin Bieber, Psy, Jesus, and Satan Walk Into a Sports Store

Hello again, alleged readers.  Sometime during the halcyon days of social media, just around the time Facebook began its slide into the festering magmatic pool of magma that is festering, I saw a post featuring a four-panel image.  The image asked users to “Thumbs Up” for Jesus, “Heart” for Psy, “Smiley Face” for Justin Bieber, and “Ignore” for Satan.

I still think about that a lot.

“‘Thumbs Up’ for Jesus, ‘Heart’ for Psy, ‘Smiley Face’ for Justin Bieber, and ‘Ignore’ for Satan” is my password for everything except my Winn-Dixie Rewards account, so I’m forced to think about it a lot, but even if I wasn’t, I still think I’d think about it.

How can you tally the null response of “ignore”?  Really shoddy survey design.  And you all know shoddy survey design is something that lives reduced rent in my head.  I can’t afford rent free like all of you fancy folk, so reduced rent has to do, but you get the idea.

Anyway, do any of you know how to get in touch with a Mr. Ernie Clement?  I recently found a bunch of his shirts.  He left them on a rack at a sporting goods store in my town.  As soon as I noticed he left them there, I looked around the store for him, but he was not there.  I immediately gathered them all and ran out of there hoping that I might find him on the street somewhere near the store.  Alas, Ernie was not to be found.  Several people including an employee from the sporting goods store, and some guy impersonating a police officer tried to steal Ernie’s shirts from me, however I refused to give up a single of Ernie’s shirts to these crooks!

They’re really nice button up shirts, so I can see why these ne’er-do-wells would want them, however I will not abide by injustice.  So if any of you can put me in touch with Ernie Clement, I’d really appreciate it.  And I’m sure he would too.  Please tell him I have 14 of his shirts… oddly enough in varying sizes.

Alright, y’know what, I’m sorry, I have to come clean, alleged readers.  “‘Thumbs Up’ for Jesus, ‘Heart’ for Psy, ‘Smiley Face’ for Justin Bieber, and ‘Ignore’ for Satan” is actually my password for my Winn-Dixie Rewards account.  I was trying to be sneaky and obscure the truth, and so I lied to y’all about that.  Ol’ Stav just can’t have lying to you all on his conscience right now.  I really am sorry.

Wow, do I feel better after getting that burden off my chest.  Carrying around that lie since the third paragraph there has been an unbearable weight.  But now that I am free, I feel like a whole new Stav. 

There’s not much more that Ol’ Stav likes than being new Stav.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing to you all this week is that I have crossed another number off my list of potential contenders for my favorite integer.  798.  A good number, but not my favorite.