Words and Thoughts: Moot Points, On a Straight Line
Hello again, alleged readers! Earlier today I was in my Microsoft Word Document and in an attempt to type “North Dakota”, I accidentally pressed “Ctrl” instead of “Shift” when typing the “N”, and do you know what happened? A brand-new Word Document appeared! My other Word Document, that has everything from always was still there, but so was this new Word Document! This whole time my computer has had TWO. I’ve just been using the one for everything. You should probably check your computers as well, maybe you have an extra too!
So for like the one, you can put raccoon pictures and a list of people you’ve been meaning to argue on the internet with, and like the other you can use for work tasks like business casual raccoon pictures and a list of people you’ve been meaning to argue with in the breakroom with. It really is a game changer, having two Word Documents! I’ve already started working on a draft thank you note to the fine folks over at Microsoft. I’m doing that in Excel.
As I was saying, I was trying to type “North Dakota” when my Microsoft Words increased by 100%, or doubled, which is basically times two, and because I know math now, I know enough to know that two and 100 are different numbers, with different numbers in them. But somehow, both two and 100 are correct in this instance. Which is a nice metaphor for the type of discourse I was trying to type into the first Microsoft Word there: North Dakota and South Dakotacan both exist at the same time. For years I think people thought there could only be one, but based on my research, there can be both. It can be both two and 100. The Dakotas can be both North and South separately, but together. Regardless of any prior ideological differences, whether people insist on maintaining a defined border between the two states of North and South Dakota, or favor free movement of Dakotans generally across the Dakotas, I think at this point we’re all set, because just as two is correct, so is 100 (when it comes to describing how many Microsoft Words I have now compared to before). Two is very different than 100. But it is also, in this instance, exactly the same.
I’m pretty sure we can open the Straight now. Will someone please tell Iran that we’ve worked out the whole North and South Dakota thing, and we can do boats again over there?
I worry though, that the Dakotans will begin some Seussian argument over who gets to be the twos and who gets to be the 100s, even though, as established prior, they are the same. Probably better close the Straight until we get that figured out.
Everyone could just be “200” which is like two plus 100, I think. But hardline 100-ers will argue that the 100 should come before the two, and if we do that, well the hard line two-ers might just walk away completely.
This is a real pickle.
OK, got it. No one gets anything. No one is anyone. If no one is anyone, and everyone gets nothing, then The Straight is moot! Someone call everyone to let them know it’s all moot!
Big moot. Moot good. Big good!
