Words and Thoughts: The Trouble With Nothing
Hello again, alleged readers! Ol’ Stav has a conundrum: I don’t have anything to fax you about this week. Nothing. There’s just nothing going on. Nothing anywhere in the world as far as I can tell. The last time this happened was just about 96 years ago on April 18th, 1930. The BBC Evening News famously announced, “There is no news”, and then the Ol’ Beeb there played piano music for the remainder of the evening news segment. As this is a fax, and not a radio broadcast, thus lacking the sonic means to present you piano music; and I am Stav, and not the Beeb, thus lacking the financial means to procure a piano, I will not be presenting you with any piano music for the remainder of this fax.
Now that I’ve warned you about the imminent lack of piano, and averted any disappointment you may have suffered upon reaching the end of this fax only to find it completely bereft of piano, save for my constant mentioning of its lack, we can proceed.
But proceed with what? I have nothing to tell you. So, the conundrum is this: What do we do instead? I thought about maybe trying Correspondence Trouble. For those of you who have played the board game, Trouble, Correspondence Trouble is almost the same, and allows geographically separated players the opportunity to experience the delight of Trouble as if everyone was in the same room. First, you roll the dice, rather you press the “Pop-o-Matic” bubble that rolls the dice for you, then you write me a letter telling me what you rolled. I then receive that letter and see if I believe you rolled what you said you did. I send my response back, and if I believed it, you move your piece, and if I didn’t, you have to fight me about it. Most often the fights turn physical, and it’s VERY important that each player follow the other player’s corresponded instructions honestly, and accurately, regarding where to land the described blows. It is this mutual trust that allows the game to proceed, and frankly what holds up most of society on a day-to-day basis.
However, as fun as Correspondence Trouble would be in these times of nothing, I fear that we may shatter the pristine calm and serenity that this nothingness has brought. Perhaps it’s best if we just sit and do nothing, amid the nothing. I would hate for one of us to do something, and then have that butterfly effect its way into a war somewhere, or an unexpected soccer result. Both of those would be horrible to have on our consciences. Also, the last time I played Correspondence Trouble, we got about midway through a four-person match when Red said they rolled a five, and Yellow was NOT having it. There were seven incurred bite wounds before Green replied all, “light Trouble Board on fire”. I haven’t gotten around to replacing mine yet.
Yes, it is best if we just sit here, and don’t do anything.
