Words and Thoughts: Opportunity Knocks, Its Name is Pete
Hello again, alleged readers! This past Saturday, a very enthusiastic man came to the front door, knocked on it, and upon my opening of said door, attempted to sell me a timeshare that he said I could sublet and thus generate unlimited passive income.
As everyone knows, I don’t know how time works, and I sure as hell wouldn’t know how to share it if I did. However, the man at the door said that wasn’t an issue, and he explained that a sublet is not a small sandwich, and that was quite the eye opener for me. After having learned so much from the man, I couldn’t help but want to learn even more about things like unlimited passive income from these shares of sublet time.
He explained that I could earn money while doing nothing. I always try to do nothing, so naturally I was intrigued, and this man was a supernatural oracle of knowledge it seemed: a learned wizard able to conjure money from nothing. It was about this time that my neighbor Gary came walking up the front walk, and asked what I was doing in his house.
I explained that I saw Gary leave this morning, and as he obviously wasn’t using his house, and as I didn’t want Gary’s smoothie maker to go to waste while he wasn’t home, I climbed in the window with the loose lock in the back, and now I was learning how to get rich from the time shaman. Over Gary’s yelling, I tried to introduce Gary to the wizard man, and told Gary that if he’d just shut up for a second, Pete here (that’s what the magic man goes by) could teach him to make money from buying a house you’re never allowed to live in or something.
Gary wasn’t having it, and I think he offended Pete. Gary didn’t even let me get the smoothie I had started making, but honestly, that was fine. Gary didn’t have any fruit in the house, and the cashews and Kool-Aid powder he did have didn’t blend all that well anyway.
So there we were, Pete the money salesman, and Ol’ Stav, standing in front of Gary’s house. I asked Pete where his car was, and he said when you’re as successful as he is, you don’t have a need for cars anymore. I should have known this mystical being had transcended the need for such pedestrian forms of transportation. I still had so much to learn.
But at that moment, while I stared at Gary’s lawn gnome, I was struck with an idea. “Pete!” I said, startling Pete, who was now taking a thoughtful, if not slightly frenetic, puff from a small glass pipe… truly Gandalf incarnate! “Gary isn’t home every weekday during the day. Is that the kind of time that could be shared??”
Turns out it is! Other “timeshare owners” can now share Gary’s house during the times when Gary isn’t there for a small, hourly fee! The best part is, that Gary doesn’t even have to know, so it’s not even like it’s gonna bother Gary or anything, and it “cuts out the middleman”, says Pete. Rarely does one find a situation in which everyone wins like this!
I’m quite pleased with the arrangement: Pete gets the money, and I get to use the smoothie maker pretty much whenever I want, except when Gary is there. He’s real protective of that smoothie maker.
