Words and Thoughts: Ambiguity, Several Thoughts on the Matter
Top of the mornin’ to ya once more, alleged readers! I can finally do an Australian accent now, and I’m very excited about it. I have tried to contact the lady from the Muzzy Tapes commercial to see if she would be interested in following me around and telling everyone, to their assumed astonishment, that “Yes that’s an Australian accent he’s speaking with, but no Stav isn’t Australian!”
I haven’t heard back from her. Possibly because I sent my inquiry to the Animal Control office at City Hall, and not the Muzzy Tapes Lady. Animal Control is alphabetically first in the City Hall Directory, you all pay way too many taxes for their services not to go to use, and they always seem to know where I am, so why wouldn’t they know where the Muzzy Tapes Lady is?
Oh, how exciting life is when using an Australian accent! Now, when I get to the drive through window at Tim Hortons, after ordering seventeen hashbrowns and a coffee at the speaker thing, the workers’ disappointment is no longer that I am not in a vehicle, and not in possession of any money to pay for the seventeen hashbrowns and a coffee; rather it’s because they’re suddenly realizing I’m not Paul Hogan.
It’s not their fault for initially thinking I could be Paul Hogan though: Paul Hogan is the type of guy who you just know would absolutely pound hashbrowns, and my accent is “super bueno” as the Australians say.
They always say that.
I have learned a few things along the way too, other than just the accent itself: Outback Steakhouse does not offer diplomatic or consular services on behalf of the Commonwealth of Australia, nor is someone driving a Subaru Outback automatically the Prime Minister of said Commonwealth.
Yet just as G.I. Joe’s “Outback” is from Wyoming, which is not Australia, Words and Thoughts, in that Order’s Stav Knudsenen is also from not Australia. In fact, there are none of my kind whatsoever in Australia at all. Yup, no Knudsenens anywhere on the continent! But here I am throwing another catfish on the stove like I was born and raised in Byron Bay.
Anyway, I digress. What I was originally going to fax you all about was to complain about my boss. Several months ago, I told him that I’d like to use our company’s continuing education assistance reimbursement funds to learn a new business skill to ensure that I stay relevant in today’s corporate environment, and can continue to provide the best possible value to our company. Without even having to do the fireworks show part of my pitch, he agreed!
But earlier this week, when I handed my expense report in for reimbursement, he went berserk. “Can’t rent Kangaroo Jack 174 times…” this, “Who rents DVDs anymore…” that, “Not a business skill…” something or other. I told him I was disappointed by his reaction, and he told me to “go write about it in that stupid blog thing you do”.
OK, first of all, mate, it’s a fax. Secondly, was I supposed to buy Kangaroo Jack 174 times?
* Read: Literal
