Words and Thoughts: The Terraces of Ontario, Canada
Hello again, alleged readers. I don’t typically send all of you these faxes regarding current events. It reduces the syndication value for when I will ultimately post these to Yahoo.com’s GeoCities. However today, I cast a small piece of my inevitable fortune aside.
I just heard we’re implementing “terrace”, and probably more than one, so “terraces” apparently. The ol’ Goog machine tells me that terrace is just a fancy word for porch. So, we’re all doing porches now, I guess.
There’s a step that leads up to my front door, so I basically have a terrace. Guess who doesn’t have a terrace though. Exactly. My neighbor, Phil. If Phil had a terrace, I’d know about it. I’m probably in his backyard just about every other night trying to disable his motion light. And if Phil did have a terrace, it’d be a hell of a lot easier to get to that light.
Being an excellent neighbor, and a neutral Samaritan, I just knew that as soon as I heard about the terraces, I should help Phil out. Not fifteen minutes ago I finished nailing, to the side of Phil’s house, a 2×4 piece of lumber, and a dead branch I got last time I was up in Phil’s tree. It’s not a 100% terrace yet, but it’s a start, maybe a 10% terrace at this point.
While I am not sure what the goal of a blanket implementation of terraces actually is, and I honestly don’t think it will benefit our country in the long run, Phil will not run afoul of federal regulations under my watch, I tell you what!
Perhaps it’s an effort to return to the American dream we once knew in a bygone era. An era where everyone sat on domestically manufactured porches.
In any event, I suppose everyone getting terraces will uniformly raise property values for all. Plus, we’re about to get force-fed a real nice lesson on macro-economics, starting with the extent of the limits on the market-elasticity for terrace-building materials as government-mandate driven demand explodes overnight. What a thrilling time to exist.
So now that Phil has his terrace started, and I have my step, the obvious next step (different than my physical step) is to determine who else needs a terrace! There are probably several other neighbors that don’t have terraces yet, but if only I knew how to figure out where to start. I guess I should just arbitrarily apply my terrace assistance, seemingly at random, without rhyme, or reason, so as not to appear to be playing favorites between my neighbors. Yes, it’s definitely best to act in a manner fitting of the insane, that’s the only fair way to do it.
Oh! It looks like Phil just got home.
And here comes Phil. I’ll be right back.
~~
OK, wow, yeah, just chatted with Phil. Tariffs. We’re doing “tariffs”. Phil’s gonna be in trouble. That dead branch was Canadian maple.
