Words and Thoughts: Saddam’s Folly, The Roller Rinks of the Central Time Zone

Hello again, alleged readers!  I have a list of complaints, and I’d like to formally lodge them here.

• Sauerkraut – it’s unacceptable.
• People who say Eastern Standard Time when they mean Eastern Daylight Time – Figure it out.
• People who say Eastern Standard Time, and don’t know that they mean Eastern Daylight Time – get someone to help you figure it out.
• People who prefer Standard Time over Daylight Time – they’re unacceptable.
• The Central Time Zone, daylight or standard, doesn’t matter – get it outta here, you’re either Mountain or Eastern, pick one
• I’ve never seen the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special – I’d like to see it, but I don’t think I’ll like it. To be clear, my current complaint is that I haven’t seen it. I expect my future complaint will be that I’ve seen it, but we’re not there yet.
• Kuwait’s alleged slant drilling into the Iraqi portion of the Rumaila Oil Field – I’m just kidding, It’s not like I’m Saddam Hussein in 1989 or anything like that.
• Whatever the hell the mush is inside of a 3 Musketeers Bar – it tastes fine, but I object to it on moral grounds.

I look forward to the anticipated remediation of the aforementioned issues.

In the meantime, can we talk about Gerald Ford? Like are we allowed to? I’ve always wondered this.

Anyway, did you ever go to a birthday party at a roller rink? Is this a universal experience of childhood, or is it just endemic to scattered pockets of the American geography? Our local roller-rink had a pizza bar, and a tiki-themed mini-golf attached to it. Oh, the fond memories I have of that place: I’d take the loosely affixed tiki mask from the post over by the third hole, put it on, and then go around stealing people’s pizza. People would usually assume I was a wayward child from one of the birthday parties, or a small tiki goblin that wasn’t to be trifled with. I was never either of those things; but the times were good, and the pizza was plentiful. Now though, I sometimes wish things were a bit reversed: I wish the times were plentiful, and the pizza was good.

Too often we forget how fleeting moments actually are as time races on, and too often we settle for pizza that is mediocre at best. Life is too short to have bad pizza. Here’s the thing though: don’t call the roller-rink pizza bar and make vague threats with demands for more time and better pizza. I know for a fact that they can’t help with either. It’s on us, each of us, ourselves together, to stand up, go forth, and adventure in search of better pizza. And while we can’t control the sometimes horrifyingly fast passage of time, we can control how we use that time, and it is the adventures (in search of good pizza) that we fill that time with that will ultimately fulfill us. Go forth. Find good pizza. Live a life worthy of the time we are afforded, and the pizza we’ve searched for!

Speaking of pizza, I would like to add another complaint:

Olives on pizza – olives are great just, pizza is great just, they’re just not great together. There is literally no reason olives should ever be on a pizza. Do not put olives on pizza.