Words and Thoughts: Lather, Rinse, Repeat, Surprise!
Hello again, alleged readers! Did y’all know that there are things inside Amazon boxes? I’m talking a lot of different things. I had no idea. I mean, it seems like everyone uses the boxes as porch decorations. But like… there are THINGS. These THINGS are INSIDE the boxes. If you open the boxes, there are things in there.
So many things.
As it’s probably summer somewhere, and as you all know: Stav doesn’t work in the summer, I’ve got some proverbial time on the ol’ proverbial paws over here (here literally, not here proverbially). While I don’t necessarily “get” time, I’m still not one to waste it. For the past week I’ve been tirelessly roaming the town and showing people what’s in their Amazon boxes. Really straightforward process:
- Find someone who has decorated their porch with Amazon boxes.
- Go onto the porch and open the boxes.
- Knock on the door to get them to come look at the things that were in the boxes.
- Lather, rinse, repeat!
Based on the belligerence I’ve been encountering, it is clear that the shock caused by lifting the veil of the secrets contained in the boxes is a lot for many to handle. I remember the first time I had a Kinder Surprise Chocolate Egg. You think it’s just chocolate, so you eat it. But then you choke on the toy inside of it. The choking fit is unpleasant and violent. But once you cough up the plastic racecar that was inside the chocolate egg, it’s super fun and exciting. The Amazon boxes are the Chocolate Eggs, I’m the violent choking fit, the stuff inside the boxes is the racecar, and the real treasure is the friends we make along the way. I haven’t made any friends doing this.
Yet.
If the people aren’t home, I take whatever is inside the boxes on their porch and place the items whimsically around their yard. If they don’t have a yard, I put the items in the closest yard I can find. My heart is warmed thinking of the neighborly interactions I’m facilitating.
I mean, I feel like I could just work for Amazon at this point. If only it weren’t probably summer somewhere. For when it’s not probably summer somewhere, Amazon: please consider this both my application and resume. This is absolutely not a curriculum vitae. I should probably have a cover letter though, because this isn’t that either.
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Stav’s Cover Letter
By Stav Knudsenen
Dear Amazon,
In this letter I will cover the fact that I’m applying for a job at Amazon. As you can see in the previous sentence there, I am applying for a job, at Amazon. In conclusion, this letter has covered the necessary information regarding me, applying for a job, with you.
Love,
Stav
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How do you contact Amazon? I’ll probably just run out in front of one of the vans to get the driver’s attention, climb up in the van, and ask them to call Jeffrey Bezos, and read my letter to him.
Only after it’s not probably summer somewhere, though.
