Words and Thoughts – August 15, 2024

Hello again, alleged readers. S.O.S. Stav’s On Strike. The normal channels of communication are breaking down, and my reasonable requests are not being heard, and therefore, drastic measures must be taken. I’m not in a union, and honestly, I don’t think I have a full handle on what a strike actually is, in this context. I understand other strikes fully:

• Baseball Strike: The batter attempts, and ultimately fails, to strike the ball. It’s obvious why we would call this a strike.
• Bowling Strike: The bowler attempts, and ultimately fails, to miss all of the pins, and remarkably knocks all of them over, forcing a machine to clean everything up. It’s obvious here as well why we would call this a strike.
• Preemptive Strike: Hitting someone with a baseball bat or bowling ball before they can hit you with a baseball or a bowling pin. Again, obvious.

Less obvious for me is the concept of striking to achieve one’s goals. I mean, I’m not above having a full-on tantrum to get someone to restock the copy paper so I can print out particularly amusing Far Side comics from the Gary Larson Fans Facebook.com Page. It would appear though, that a strike is kind of the opposite. No tantrum, no anything in fact. One must stop what they are doing so as to bring about the changes they seek. So, as much as it pains me to do so, I will stop the following:

• Working. When my co-workers see me lying down in the parking lot, they’ll inevitably come over to me and ask what’s going on. At which point I’ll be able to share with them my requests. Also, my valuable output at work will be missed if I’m not working.
• Foraging. People will say, “Stav, you’re usually up in a tree looking for stuff, but now you’re not, what’s going on?” And much like the parking lot at work, I’ll be able to share with them my list of requests, and bring attention to the matters.
• Corresponding with you all. As much as I love typing up these faxes, we must make sacrifices to see the gains we so desperately seek.
• Race car driving. I don’t do this now, but I also won’t start doing it until at least after the strike.

As I said, the normal channels are breaking down, and my requests appear to be falling on deaf ears as far as my usual recipients of requests go:

• The Sorbonne sent me something called a cease and desist, and as you know, I don’t speak French. But it just didn’t feel friendly.
• None of the Arby’s that I usually call are answering the phone anymore.
  • What is the proper plural of Arby’s, by the way?
• NASA is just being NASA, so they’re no help, you know how they can be.
• The 877-CASH-NOW people won’t listen unless I have a structured settlement. All of my settlements are unstructured, unfortunately.

So, dear alleged readers, until my requests are heard, I’m on strike.