Real Talk: 9-5s, Red Flags, and Messy Roommates

Welcome to Real Talk, Subject’s advice column with UB alumna Savannah Johnson. Each month, Savannah dives into your burning questions about anything and all, judgment-free and with love. Email your questions to editor@subjectmedia.org or DM us on Reddit @subjectmediadotorg to be featured in our next column.

I’m doing a full time internship this summer and realized I’m miserable. I like the position itself, but working a 9-5 is more draining than I thought it would be. I have no energy to do the things I enjoy, and the weekends go by so quickly. I’m scared to graduate and have this life forever. How to cope? 

The shift into full-time work is cruel and unusual for everyone, I promise. I’ve been working full-time after graduating from college for two months now, and I still get worried about homework being due on Sunday night! It is very challenging to be stimulating your brain for eight hours straight, five days a week, and the days can feel like they blend together sometimes. I’m guessing that you have more flexibility in the way you can spend your time during the semester due to the way classes are scheduled, so being in one place for so long must be hard. 

What I’m hearing though, is that you enjoy the job. That’s a huge plus! Internships are designed to teach you about what the field you’re pursuing is like, so this career sounds like a good fit for you. It sounds like the majority of your misery has to do with the time commitment and the structure of your weeks, with five days on and two days off. College is strange in that it makes the things you love and the people you enjoy easily accessible, and that changes once you graduate. You have to put in more effort to pursue your hobbies, and that’s a tough adjustment to make. 

I don’t know exactly what field you’re in, but I do know that there is an increasing amount of jobs that are structures in atypical ways, whether it be working hybrid, or longer shifts on less days of the week. In this, I wouldn’t lose hope. There are a lot of unique opportunities out there that you have yet to find, so I wouldn’t recommend using this one internship as a guiding mechanism for all future jobs. Your life is what you make it – if you don’t want to have a 9-5, then try to find something that best fits your needs! 

In the meantime, we still have August left in the summer, so I’m guessing you have about a month left in your internship. My biggest tip: don’t nap during the week! It is so easy to come home from work feeling drained and wanting to take a nap right after sitting down, but it can totally screw your sleep up, and leave you feeling exhausted the next day before you even walk into work. Instead, try to fill the time with your hobbies, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day. On Fridays, try to complete your errands so you don’t have to do them for the weekend, and try to have plans for the weekend in advance so you have something to look forward to. The weekends do go by quickly, but try your best to stay present during those days rather than dreading having to return on Monday. On your way to/from the internship, try taking a different route to shake things up and avoid the mundane, and when you’re at the internship, try to move around as much as you can if you sit a lot during the day. This will help you feel a little less drained when you come home, because you’re keeping your system a little more active during those work hours. 

Again, the transition into full-time work is hard, but it is possible! It took me some time, but I have been able to avoid that feeling of all days blending into one, and have had more energy after work during the week. A lot of it is being consistent in your days so that your body can maintain your energy levels appropriately. I promise that it isn’t always this miserable, just in the beginning, especially if you enjoy your job! 

My boyfriend and I started dating four months ago, and the more time I spend with him, the more I notice red flags. It’s nothing major, but enough to tell me he’s not the greatest person. The problem is that we have so much fun together and I still enjoy spending time with him. Would it be wrong to stick around? 

I want to applaud you for being aware of yourself and your boyfriend to a point where you are able to notice red flags. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s very easy to brush things off without taking them into consideration in an attempt to preserve the “honeymoon phase” for as long as possible. 

While the red flags may not be major, the fact that you’re noticing them says something about your instincts regarding the relationship. It’s so important to acknowledge those gut feelings that you have about someone, especially before things can become worse. This allows you to advocate for yourself and your best interests in the relationship, which can be a challenge. 

There isn’t anything wrong with wanting to stick with someone you enjoy spending time with – that’s the point of dating, having a good time with someone you get along well with! However, you don’t want the relationship to go too far if you’re already feeling uneasy about him. Before deciding to stick around or not, I’d definitely communicate some of the red flags you’re seeing with him. Your feelings are totally valid, and being able to talk about them is the foundation of any relationship. 

Of course, I wouldn’t recommend telling him he’s a red flag; rather, explain the things you’re seeing and what your instincts are telling you. Communicate your side in a way that isn’t accusatory. If it really seems like the red flag qualities are innate and clash with your values and beliefs, it may be best to move on from him as a romantic partner. However, if you two enjoy spending time with each other, you may want to continue hanging out as friends. Dating may not be the best situation to continue with him if you’re seeing these red flags, and they aren’t changing. You don’t want to make yourself uncomfortable or ill at ease because of your instincts – they’re there to protect you! But again, I would definitely recommend discussing what you’re seeing/feeling with him before making a decision. It may be a difficult conversation, and there may be a difficult choice to make after, but it’s most important that you’re preserving your well-being and choosing healthy relationships for yourself. You’re seeing these red flags for a reason, and it’s okay to do something about it! 

How to deal with a messy roommate? I love my roommate, but she doesn’t clean up after herself. I’ve tried to bring it up multiple times and she always says she’ll be better, but nothing ever changes. It’s awkward to discuss since we’re good friends, but I’m sick of being her maid. 

I cannot count the amount of the times that I have heard about messy roommates! It feels like some sort of initiation into the adult world. I’m sure it’s exhausting and frustrating to come home to a messy space, especially when the mess isn’t your own. 

I think that, because you and your roommate get along so well, the best thing to do here is to communicate the lack of change. You’ve brought up the situation multiple times with no success, and that’s not fair to you – it’s your space too! As someone who is naturally messy and had to train themselves on how to clean up, your roommate may truly have no idea where to begin when it comes to cleaning up. It may be possible that she had someone cleaning up after her constantly while she was growing up, and never developed the skills to do it on her own. 

This does require some extra work, but I would recommend two things. First, talk to your roommate about the situation, and how you feel that you’re not seeing any improvement. Provide some specific examples if it would help her understand how important this is to you. As I always say, try not to accuse – just express your side and how it makes you feel. Second, sit down together and create a structure to keeping the space tidy. Any space that is solely hers (basically, any room that you don’t need to enter and she can close the door on) and be as messy as she wants – that’s her right! Those shared spaces between the two of you, like the living room, kitchen, and/or bathroom, are where you want to create some structure. It could be a checklist of things to do to keep a room clean, a calendar of specific chore that each of you share… something that provides your roommate with tangible, clear tasks that she needs to complete to keep the space up to par. It’s super important that you do this collaboratively – you’re on the same team after all! 

Another idea: consider taking some time each night and tidy up shared spaces together. That way, you can hold each other accountable for keeping clean, and you’re doing it as a pair. Cleaning up, for someone that isn’t naturally a cleaner, can feel really daunting, especially when you’re doing it alone. Doing it together allows you both to keep things nice while spending some quality time together! 

Again, it is totally okay to talk about this with your roommate. Yes, it may be awkward and there may be some hurt feelings, but your concerns and frustrations are completely valid and it’s good to voice them! I’m sure that, together, you can both find a strategy and solution that works!