Words and Thoughts: July 25, 2024
Hello again, alleged readers! I met a British person today. Contrary to what I’ve been led to believe by The Patriot, this person showed very little interest in furthering a colonization of America. That was a real relief. Think of all of that time we’ve spent fearing The British unnecessarily. After a bit of friendly conversation, it did occur to me that if they’re not trying to colonize us, maybe we should be trying to colonize them. At the end of our otherwise civil interaction, I said, “Oh, by the way, we’re at war now.”
He didn’t even pull out a musket or anything. I have a feeling our conquest of Britain will be easier than any of us may have suspected. Pretty soon they’ll be spelling things correctly and driving on the side of the road that the good Lord has always intended. Also, we’re putting the Buc-ee’s Beaver on their money, or should I say, “Beavour”.
Alleged readers, we may have to put aside our feud with France for the time being. Boycott temporarily suspended. Go ahead and buy that L’oreal again, for now.
Anyway, a coworker was talking about family coming in for the weekend from Hornell, NY. I’ve been to Hornell once. Saw a train there. Great place. Aaaaaand, ironically enough, I’ve lost my train of though.
I hate when this happens.
Different anyway, how do helicopters work? I mean, I’ve seen at least seven helicopters. And I’m very good at making helicopter noises. In fact, I’ve never lost a helicopter noise imitation competition. I’ll often ask strangers on public transportation (not helicopters) to judge an impromptu helicopter noise making contest with a different stranger. Undefeated at 49 straight! But yeah, it’s the how that’s mystery for me. I’m hoping that one of you might know. In the meantime, here are my three top theories:
- Helicopters are the final evolution of lawn mowers. And as Popeye is to spinach, once a lawn mower eats enough grass, and tennis balls, it “gets its wings” so to speak, and becomes a helicopter, through the power of things that are green.
- Witchcraft.
- Something involving the Dutch royal family.
Please note, those theories are NOT mutually exclusive.
Oh! I know what I was going to say. Every time I hear Hornell, NY, (which like everyone else, I hear often) I think of Bill Pullman, because he’s from there. And as such, I then often think about Independence Day, because he’s in that. And as such, I often think about Will Smith, because he’s in that too. And as such, I often think about Philadelphia, because I think he’s from there. And as such, I often think about cheesesteaks, because they’re from there. And as such, I often think about bell peppers, because they’re on there. And how great are bell peppers, y’know? Different colors and stuff. Are they a fruit?
I’m sure glad I remembered my train of thought!
