Words and Thoughts — April 25, 2024
Hello again, alleged readers! This week I’m pet sitting my friend’s gerbil, Bruce. My friend Steve, Bruce’s pet parent, is out of town taking pictures of hot air balloons or something. Bruce is quite the handful, or pawful, because he’s a gerbil. I’ll grab a moment here and there to correspond with you throughout the week. For the moment, I must be off to refill Bruce’s little water thing with the tube on the end of it.
Monday, morning: I have let Bruce out of his enclosure. Bruce now has free range of the split level basement.
Monday, late morning: Can’t find Bruce at the moment. Taking a break from looking for Bruce. Have turned on Price is Right.
Monday, slightly later morning: The Price is Right cut out in the middle of the second showcase. Linda was going to overbid anyway.
Monday, afternoon: Found Bruce, along with a chewed-through coaxial cable, which explains the sudden lack of Price is Right. Bruce must’ve been out looking for whoever was responsible.
Monday, evening: Signed Steve up for a home security system, as neither Bruce, nor I were able to establish any leads on the cable vandal.
Monday, late evening: I forgot to feed Bruce in all the excitement today. To make up for it, I have given him three Taco Lunchables, instead of his usual tablespoon of gerbil seed.
Tuesday, morning: Security system man is here, he assures me that this system will prevent people from coming in and eating Steve’s wiring. However, he did seem to hesitate slightly when I said, “You swear on everything you hold dear, that those cameras and sensors will keep the terrorists who took away The Price is Right from coming back and doing it again??” His hesitation concerns me.
Tuesday, afternoon: Security system man is done with the installation and has left. Have called second security company, and signed up for an additional system. Just to be sure.
Tuesday, evening: Dart league. Bringing Bruce.
Tuesday, late evening: Bruce was uninterested in darts. Was VERY interested in peanuts on the bar.
Wednesday, morning: Second security system installed without issue.
Wednesday, late morning: Bitten by Bruce while attempting to teach him to use the security system keypad. How do you know if you’re allergic to gerbil bites?
Wednesday, early afternoon: Took six Benadryl, just to be safe. Feeling a little short of breath. Opened all the windows and one of the doors to get some air.
Thursday, morning: Awake. Bruce came to me in a dream and asked to be called “Mr. Vilanch”. While I was asleep, it appears Mr. Vilanch has hidden, or possibly removed, both TVs, and a good deal of other electronics from Steve’s house.
Steve comes back Friday, so he can go on Mr. Vilanch’s electronics scavenger hunt when he gets back.
In the meantime, and in a somewhat related matter, I have to tell you here, I don’t think it’s possible to make gerbil food taste good. I mean, I eat like garbage, but this stuff is NOT good.
