Words and Thoughts — April 11, 2024
Hello again, alleged readers! The sun. Monday, it went away! Not at the normal time that the sun usually goes away either! I don’t know what happened where y’all allegedly are, but where I was… THE SUN WENT AWAY! Here’s what I recall:
It was a Monday, I know that. That’s the day my neighbors put their trash out. I was at home because my meeting schedule at work was especially boring that day. It was a relatively nice day, so I was out in my backyard, during the day, which is rare. Just doing normal backyard stuff, y’know: borrowing my neighbor’s hose for a minute, hooking the hose up to my neighbor’s spigot for a few more minutes, momentarily removing the tarp covering my neighbor’s boat, briefly utilizing the car-wash soap from my neighbor’s garage, using the tarp as a Slip ‘n’ Slide, talking junk to the squirrels because they lack the capacity to understand a Slip ‘n’ Slide (and instead have to focus all of their mental bandwidth on hiding, then finding, various nuts)… usual backyard stuff.
At some point though, and I don’t know exactly when, because as I’ve stated before, I have almost no concept of time, which is good because my managers keep telling me I have no ability to manage said time. Frankly, I don’t want that responsibility. Time is a bizarre and ethereal concept, the secrets of which will perpetually elude me. As squirrels are to Slip ‘n’ Slides, I am to clocks. Ol’ Stav here will not be managing time anytime soon. (I use the word “soon” generally, not specifically in relation to any other time-bound events, because again… time).
But anyway, I was just out there rolling around on the soapy boat tarp; and alleged readers, I kid you not, in a matter of minutes it went from daytime to nighttime. I wish I was making this up! I assure you, I am not though. I thought immediately that I must have been having so much fun on the tarp that I simply didn’t realize how late it was getting. Obviously, the horrifying realization set in that I was probably missing Rick Tomaska’s US Coin Show, which is where I get most of my news every night. I’m sure you can imagine my soaped-up scramble into the house and across the tile to get to the TV. However, upon turning on the television, there was no Rick Tomaska, or his coins. Rather it was just some really long ad for either Wrigley’s gum or a Mitsubishi.
There I stood, dripping soap, staring at the TV with no Rick Tomaska, meanwhile it was as mentioned, suddenly dark outside. I was truly at a loss. I knew The Great Skybird had been threatening to bring about the end of the world for a few years now, but I also knew, for a fact, that The Great Skybird was in Tulsa on that day, and I also know for a fact that you can’t end the world from Tulsa. There’s not enough Arby’s in Tulsa for that yet.
As I continued trying to make sense of it all, just as quickly as it had darkened outside, it was just as quickly brightening back up! I ran back outside, and the sun was back. It was either the quickest night I’ve ever seen, or something else was going on here. I returned to the Slip ‘n’ Slide until my neighbor came home, at which point we had a “discussion”. Honestly though, I don’t know what my neighbor even said to me. I was too distracted by that day’s events. The sun was there. Then it wasn’t there. And then it was there again. I wish y’all could have seen it.
I wish I had the answer for all of you, but I just don’t. At the moment, the best I can reckon is that a blimp went by, and lined up with the sun just right to temporarily block the sun. If it was a blimp, others MUST have been in the path of it too, and had the sun briefly, and shockingly, blocked out as well. I’m open to other theories though of course. Feel free to send me a postcard if you have any ideas as to what the hell happened!
It’s times like this that I wish Robert Stack was still around. He’d solve this mystery, for sure. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard his voice acting in Beavis and Butt-Head Do America, but trust me, it’s the kind of performance that makes you think, “This guy could probably get to the bottom of a few mysteries”.
