Words and Thoughts — March 7, 2024

Hello again, alleged readers. First of all, my Windows Millennium Edition PC finally died. I had literally just put my magnet collection in the floppy drive for safe keeping, and then I guess the FreeCell game I’ve had open for a couple years must’ve errored out and the whole thing went down. I suppose I can cross “win that game of FreeCell” off my aquarium list. You might know the concept better as a “bucket list,” however I feel that an aquarium is a better place to store one’s life ambitions. In an aquarium, as far as ambitions go, you can see them, they can see you, they can eat the fish food that my betta fish doesn’t eat, and the betta fish and my ambitions aren’t competitive species (so they do well together). One time, when I went to go get “learn to ride a unicycle” out of the aquarium, I accidentally grabbed the fish instead. We practiced the unicycle for hours before I realized I had fish with me instead of my ambition. I’d like to think fish enjoyed his day out trying to ride a unicycle with me, but I will never know. There’s a language barrier.

Second of all, and absolutely connected to my first point up there: What graphics card do y’all use to run Minesweeper without crashing? Any other tips you might have for me as I start my search for my next computer would be greatly appreciated as well! What Office Assistant do you use? (Don’t say the cat). What color do you paint your monitor? And speaking of paint, when you make the squiggle drawing in MS Paint, what color do you start with when filling it in with the paint bucket tool?

Third of all, and completely disconnected to my first two points up there: How much chocolate can you legally eat? A couple weeks ago, I was just standing there, completely minding my own business, eating a chocolate bar, when out of nowhere this police officer runs up to me and starts telling me I need to stop. He’s all, “What’s wrong with you?” And I’m just dumbfounded, looking at him with a mouth completely full of chocolate. Then he just keeps on screaming. It’s all happening so fast, and I’m trying to swallow the chocolate so I can tell him I didn’t know you couldn’t eat chocolate, or ask him how much chocolate is OK to eat. And he’s going on and on about being in the intersection, which is where I found the chocolate, so it’s like, “where else would I eat the chocolate?” Lesson learned, I guess: Too much chocolate is illegal. But how much??

I have had absolutely no luck with the lawyers on TV. Their ads are constantly on, but when you need one of them to provide legal services in the form of identifying how much chocolate is OK before it’s an illegal amount of chocolate, they are useless!

Once I get my new computer, I will absolutely ask Jeeves about the chocolate.